Rolling Along

I feel like if you have a passion, those outside of what you do don’t understand what it means to you, so as nice as they are when you tell them about it, they really don’t care. It could be your mom, your bestfriend, a boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever the relation to you. If they aren’t a part of the world your passion comes from, they could care less of what you do when you show them.

But that’s okay. It gives you an opportunity to escape from all of that when it’s too much. I have MY own place for what I enjoy and people that understand where I’m coming from. Whenever I share about what I can do, everyone outside of the circle of my passion will just nod and smile, but they don’t know what it means. To describe how awesome my passion is, how important it is to me. If I share a small bit of my world with you, it’s just in hopes that I can show you something great, but it seems like everyone outside just can’t see it the way I do. It’s simply irrelevant to them…

It’s one of those days where I don’t feel like myself. Shit isn’t cool anymore, I’m irritated for no reason, and I don’t feel like giving a shit at all. It’s this type of mood where I get into negative thinking and I immerse myself in a mindset that isn’t me at all. I get so caught up in a negative vibe that there’s a few main points I focus on and then see the bad side of it:

a)why am I alive:

the world is so huge and there’s way bigger things going on like fuckin super novas and yet we struggle here on earth for no reason. We go to school all our lives, get a job, raise a family, die, then our kids go through the lame cycle again.

b)chances:

I usually don’t give a crap about jobs, but when I actually try, the odds aren’t just in my favor. I applied for a summer internship and planned on saving up to buy many things. I wasn’t offered the job. Summer is just about to end, and then I get a call to see if I was still interested in working. Fuckin stupid, I’m a full time student entering the FALL semester. A summer internship is supposed to be for SUMMER.

c)having a belief:

I feel like we live in a world where we WILL get prosecuted for having a belief. Granted that we do have the right to free expression, people will challenge and pick at you. I have had experiences where I have a belief and have all the justification I need, and yet people that challenge me go off weird tangents to prove me wrong. Here’s a fallacy. It’s called “Appeal to popularity” Just because most people say something is the case, doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. I had a conversation with a group of people and one of them said “If you’re on facebook and everyone is on you, then you’re pretty much wrong” I’ve had that happen to me a couple of times, and I feel like he was targeting me and another person. I feel that if you have a belief and just say it to put it out there, people will either take it or leave it. If they don’t take it, sure we can have a discussion, but it’s actually stupid to call people names if they defend their stance on a subject. When you defend your beliefs, it doesn’t mean your butthurt or wrong, it means you HAVE A BELIEF. If you have a belief, you’re not going to let someone change your thoughts just because they say you’re wrong. What sucks is when someone else basically says the same thing I say, they don’t get ganged up by the people that tried telling me off.

d) self:

everyone knows that they’re not perfect. Some hide it, but some are humble. Imperfections suck when it just puts you in a lot of disagreements and sometimes arguments. I have, what I think, an unorthodox way of thinking. I’ll word phrases in my head that sound right to me for years, but not say it and when I finally do, I’ll be told it’s stupid, or who the hell says that. It sucks. I also imagine the way I go about things methodically in my head. I actually imagine everything in detail and need a focus so I ask questions like how to get places. They seem like dumb questions to some, but I myself need it for my benefit. I’m really impatient too. It’s real irritating because it adds to my stress and there’s no reason to always expect something on time. Also not having ambition. I’m lazy by nature and it makes me angry that I don’t get where I want to. I want the results of being ambitious, but my laziness tells me it takes a lot of effort. It’s real stupid. Also being considered an “adult” and knowing close to nothing is a bitch. You think you’ll be exposed to shit and magically know everything when you’re older but then you reach an age and you don’t have the knowledge you expected to have. Also it’s fuckin stupid that you stress out so bad in school to graduate in high school and you see a lazy dumbass cross the same stage as you. It makes me ask WHY? I guess I’m a bit bipolar. I’m happy for a good amount of time then I’m in a bad rut. Also, it sucks when people get exceptions. Oh you don’t wanna anger him/her. Oh don’t mess with him/her. Why do people get special treatment all of a sudden. I’m real nice and yet just because they’re an asshole,  you can’t be yourself around them? So stupid. I’m nice, and they’re mean, so now they’re entitled to be a total bitch? So fuckin stupid. I guess thas part of me being impatient. I’m tolerant so I just let it pass. but shit haha probably doesn’t make sense but whatever

Hate dreams sometimes. Make you feel guilty like you did something without doing anything. It feels so real and you can’t undream like how you can’t undo thing -___-